Too Sad To Think Of A Title

I stumbled upon this abomination when I innocently Googled "australian shepherd mix puppies" ten minutes ago.

GotPetsOnline has a section for Exotics. It features crap like this:

Does anyone have information on contact information on hippo breeders/ handlers in the United States?

Hey buddy. Guess what? I too, would love to have a pet hippo! But no one should have a pet hippo, because we are all not five fucking years old. I used to want to ride on the back of a unicorn, or on the back of a lion like Ayla in The Valley Of Horses. It would also totally rock if I could menstruate gold dubloons. Hey, Jesus,can you get cracking on that?

I wish that the list of "exotic pets wanted" was merely Found Magazine's republication of wish lists for Santa: because people REALLY WANT:

Cheetah cubs!
Ocelots!
Bengal Tigers!
A Sloth!
Foxes!
A coati!
Really want a kangroo!

There's a litter of serval kittens in North Carolina, if you are interested.

I always wanted to own a wolf since I was a child. If you are selling one for $400 or less please contact me. It can be a hybrid, but it has to be at least 95% wolf.

You're STILL a child, you stupid fuck. Wolves are wild. Please, please, go into therapy, learn to play an instrument, or read some Jung, or watch the Dog Whisperer so you can move on in life.

Why is there a young male water buffalo for sale in Tennessee?

Why is there a zebra for sale in California?

Why are there more tigers for sale in the United States than exist freely in the wild?

Where is home, and how do I get there?