Friday, March 23, 2007

(No Subject)

I'm sure it is no surprise to any of you that I am prone to anxiety. I made the mistake of answering "Do you generally feel anxious?" on the doctor's office questionnaire last year, and when the doctor asked me why, I truthfully said, "Well, I read a lot about current events online, and it seems pretty normal that one would be anxious about what is going on in the world at times." She looked at me as if I were completely nuts, offered me some kind of meds, I turned her down.

More often than not, I feel super-anxious upon waking, and have gotten into the habit of telling myself when I wake that everything is fine, that in this moment I have no problems at all. I am awake safe in my bed, Trey is next to me, we love each other. Nothing bad will happen. No one is angry at me. Today will be fun. It is nice outside, I can hear the birds. It is right now, and I am fine. Nothing bad is happening. In general, I find doing this raises my general ability to cope with things about 3000%.

And then I read this.

Dude, unless all the bees are being raptured, I think it is highly fucking likely GM monoculture is disappearing bees.

Funny/sad how the Baudrillardian simulacra is the trope of our time: isn't that really what genetic modification is, as far as Monsanto and ConAgra are concerned? Parthenogenetic copies who've deposed their sources to reign supreme? It's not a pig, anymore, but a Pig (Prime') TM, it's LoftLiving!, Vichy occupiers all.

And what makes me most anxious is the unconscious hatred behind all of this crap. It's a loathing of being embodied, a loathing of "the now," a loathing of the physical world, and as far as human beings are concerned, that is a loathing of "Woman." And that's me. A loathing of "Mother," most of all. And that's me too. And when I read about this, or this, or this, or this, or this, it's a lot.

But then I say to myself, before throwing off the covers, "nolite (NoLiTa?) te bastardes carborundorum."

That is why they are called "bastards," right? Not knowing where they really come from?


Anonymous j$ said...

it's a whole butterfly effect on the food chain from the little guys (bees) to the big guys (us). a delicate balance upset by man.

5:22 PM  

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