Wednesday, March 09, 2005

The Pursuit of Happy Meals

Kender recently published a rant in which he asked whether we urbanites would like migrant workers to be paid a "living wage," in which case we would then be paying four dollars for a tomato. And he's absolutely right about this. Four dollars at the very least.

Only I'm not sure that it would ever get to that point. I doubt that many Americans would be willing to do the work of migrant farm workers, even if it were to pay as much as working at Wendy's or Starbucks, at least as long as the Wendy's and Starbucks options remained. Fruits and vegetables would likely rot on the vine long before any of us would work those hours in that heat and risk daily the loss of digits. Besides, most Americans just aren't in good enough physical shape to do that sort of work.

I believe that this is the unacknowledged motivation behind the Minuteman Project.
Whatever else might come of immigration across the southern border of the U.S., we know that these are the brown people responsible for cluttering America's supermarkets with fruits and vegetables and taking valuable shelf space away from Cheetos and Steak-ums and Oreos, putting in their place inedible crap like broccoli rabe. Betrayed by the federal government, the Minutemen have courageously taken matters into their own hands, halting the artichoke monkeys in their tracks.

It remains only to find a method of mechanical harvesting of tomatoes, still, regrettably, a crucial ingredient in ketchup.


Blogger Kender said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

12:49 PM  
Blogger Kender said...

Had to edit...missed a key point.

First, what is a "Steak Um"?

OK...good post.
Thanks for the link.
Actually what I was saying there was that the Urban Archipelago was a wrongheaded idea, a neat rant, but a bad idea.

Face it, the food isn't grown in the cities. An agrarian economy would do fine without metropilitan areas, but metropolitan areas would quickly become madhouses with starving people running around them eating each other without the agricultural part of the country, hence the mention of homeless and Soylent Green.

Of course, you would start with the homeless, but would soon move onto the poor. In time you may even create a sort of utopian little world, as long as you could import enough poor people to eat.

Face it, we need each other to an extent, however, I really can't think of one thing the "red" areas need that the "blue" areas supply.

(I see the tax dollars comment coming)

12:51 PM  
Blogger Trey Desolay said...

I will let Steak-umm® explain themselves.

If that's not depressing enough for you, I found this while looking for the Steak-umm® site.

You know, there once was a bit of a dust-up between the agrarian and industrial parts of this country. It turned out badly for everyone.

4:32 PM  
Blogger Lillet Langtry said...

You know, the summer my parents divorced, when I was 11, we had moved with my mom to our new house, and I would make myself Steak-umms constantly, and eat them with ketchup on white bread, alone in the back yard.

So I always associate them with being very lonely. Although they were delicious.

It makes some kind of Jungian sense though, that I associate Steak-umms with divorce.

11:38 AM  
Blogger Donkey Patrol said...

Steak Ums...I hate steakums and I'll tell you why.

Last time I made SteakUms, the grease all splattered out of the pan and landed on my khakis. The flavor of steam ums is quite maleable to whatever other spices and sauces you subject it to. It's kind of like tofu, but worse for you and worse for you.

LAST OFF! It's about time someone stuck it to the migrant workers! I think for the first time I agree with you, Tray. Way to preach it!

OK NOT LAST OFF! Hey when I come out to Brooklyn in a month can we all go out for a few brews? I need more liberal friends!

10:20 PM  
Blogger Donkey Patrol said...


Pinko hellcat with the awesome rack, I about fell off my seat laughing! Haha! Good work, you made my day.

4:59 PM  

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