Sol Invictus

A few things:

The rubicon has been crossed! I have officially turned into my mother, and I am here to tell you, ladies, it is NOT SO BAD.

I know this happened because I found myself walking through Anthropologie and gave myself a little mental pat on the back because all of the totally cute ornaments would be ON SALE in a couple of weeks! Take that, Anthropologie! You can't fool me, you crafty bastards. Next year, that glass polar bear will be shining on MY TREE, and not for no EIGHTEEN DOLLARS.

The other things that seems to have, if not crossed the rubicon, be nudging a toe in that direction, are my boobs. Formerly, if I may say so, one of the top ten racks of all time, I looked at myself naked in the mirror yesterday and thought -- Well, that was fun while they lasted.

WTF? CNN is on, and the story is, I SHIT YOU NOT, "Where is Santa? Santa on NORAD's RADAR. www.noradsanta.org." Wow, I am so glad that Norad's back in the saddle, after being useless on 9-youknowwhat, but don't you worry! Norad's got a LOCK on Santa.

In other news, Trey and I have at last embraced the tenets of abstinence-only sex education, which means that we are now fucking SANS birth control. This is a very weird situation for me -- never have I experienced this level of ambivalence about anything -- wanting a baby very much at the same time being ACUTELY aware of the finitude of my time alone in my own body, and my time alone with Trey, our time alone together as just us. I think it is a good sign that at the end of the day, in my heart, I could take or leave being pregnant (or take or leave what I imagine being pregnant to be, to mean, to be a means.) If there is to be a Minou Langtry-Desolay, my divided heart will be more able to let her be exactly who she is, on her own terms. Ends in ourselves.

We are not going anywhere for Christmas and I cannot recommend this enough to anyone. We are going to see Trey's family in Queens tonight: I made eggplant rollatini to bring, al the gifts have been bought and made. And then tomorrow we are doing NOTHING! Staying at home under our tree, opening presents, eating brunch, walking around, enjoying the fact that no one is around, that we haven't had to travel. I haven't been this happy about Christmas in a very long time. Everything is perfect, everything is going to be just fine.

Merry Christmas and much love

L