Thursday, May 05, 2005

Mind Your Own Beeswax

So, I guess everybody knows about that guy who got arrested for asking Tr[Ann]y Coulter what her thoughts were on heterosexual marriages where the husband and wife in question only have anal sex.

Now, aside from the fact that the guy had to go making obscene gestures, etc., and the issues of police brutality etc. (check out the eyewitness report on DailyKos): really, this is an excellent question.

More than outraged, I am simply embarrassed that I live in a country where THAT MANY people are freaked out about homosexuality, and human sexuality, period. Open Letter to America: If you are someone who thinks that what two guys or girls do with each other is a bigger concern than

a) A lying, impeachable President
b) Poverty
c) Global Warming
d) Corporate Criminality
e) Wal-Mart
f) Rampant Outsourcing and Job Loss
g) Rudeness

Well, you are an idiot and/ or a closet case. Really. WHO CARES? It's not like sodomy has some Bradburian butterfly effect, where an actor/waiter/whatever blows some guy in Chelsea and the next day a meteorite hits the earth! Please.

I was thinking about this on the subway today. I was watching everyone on my train and thinking that each person has some kind of sex life, and do I really need to know about it? and no matter how distasteful or exciting or lame I would find it, were I to know whatever they were doing or not doing or yearning to do -- it wouldn't affect me, as long as it was consensual. But sexually frustrated people are people who fuck shit up for other people!

I mean, do you guys out there really care about our sex life? Besides Mika, who just wants to know everything about everyone's sex life? ;) The only thing people should get upset about is things like public health issues, and sex ed and condom awareness takes care of that. That's better than the obfuscatory bullshit that the religious right is pushing, which has contributed heavily to the AIDS epidemic in Africa. The cognitive dissonance afoot these days is pathological. These are the same people braying about Terri Schiavo, but they'd rather let millions of people die from a terrible disease because condoms are somehow wrong? You know, I'd like to think that God isn't a fucking IDIOT, you know? If you think that that course of action is a good idea, well.... umm, you're an idiot or a closet case.

But here's one thing I will say. I have had sex with a fair number of women. And you know what? It really isn't that different. There isn't some rain of brimstone that falls from the sky when you go down on another girl, or red lights flashing on and off, or that Twin Peaks midget suddenly comes wandering through the room speaking backwards intoning "...lleh ot gniog era uoy ....". It's just what it is, depending on who it is. I swear, it's fundamentally not that different.

So America, before getting all bunched up about the splinter lodged in *my* ass, try removing the beam from your own.


Blogger uscu2 said...

I commented on your post on my blog. Just thought I'd share some highlights. Some excerpts from my blog.

a) Lying impeachable President - We tried to deal with Bill Clinton. So I think America was concerned with that. You're probably talking about Bush, but remember Clinton? Probably not Democrats still LOVE him.

b) See blog

c) False theory see blog

d) See blog

e) Wal-Mart blows but is not worthy of national attention.

f) See blog - this is an issue people get pissed about

g) Speaking of rudeness how about Lillet and Trey not getting back to Andrew when he was out in Brooklyn and wanted to visit them. Way to ignore his comments and attempts to catch a quick meal with you guys. Talk about rudeness ...

Oh snap ...

9:11 PM  
Blogger Mika said...

you have noooooooooooo idea how HAPPY it makes me that you toss off the rhetorical question "I mean, do you guys out there really care about our sex life?" and suddenly you think, well . . . i guess . . . there is MIKA . . . !


9:41 PM  
Blogger Lillet Langtry said...


Maybe if Andrew really wanted us to respond to him, he would have thought twice before insulting my husband on our blog. I don't have time for people whose idea of "argument" is this: "Dude, you need to chill out."


Sorry honey -- I don't dish, now that I'm a respectable married lady!

9:34 AM  
Blogger uscu2 said...

Maybe if you would have read his comments earlier you would see that he was earnest in his attempt to catch a quick meal with you guys. His honest attempts such as

5) How far away is Chelsea from the lower east side? That's where my hotel is.

6) Thanks for the rush hour tip. I'll see you all for some fun conversation!

Then you left him high to dry on his own in Brooklyn. I hardly saw a, "You guys suck so much that I want to hang out. It'll be just like punching myself in the face."

I would like to think that as adult people we could get together and discuss things in a civil manner. Apparently you didn't agree.

11:06 AM  
Blogger Lillet Langtry said...

Once you refer to my husband as a "douchebag" I'm not going to hang out with you. That kind of precludes civilized discussion.

I'm sorry if you felt left high and dry, Andrew. I don't think you are a bad person, and I hate hurting anyone's feelings. But it's impossible to have any kind of real discussion with either of you, and during a really stressful time in Trey's and my personal lives, and given that with out jobs we see each other three nights a week only, dinner with Andrew (plus the aforementioned rudeness) wasn't going to happen. That's it.



11:57 AM  
Blogger uscu2 said...

One last thought then. If you didn't want to meet with Andrew since one time in jest he called your husband a "douchebag" then you should not have held conversation saying you'd be game for it. Not one time after you lengthy chain of comments saying you'd meet in some bistro did he insult Trey in such a manner, or you guys. Other than critiquing the practice of homeschooling, he was in no way insulting you from then on.

If you didn't want to meet with him, don't converse with him saying you will. Larger error on your part is how I see it. That is insensitive as well.

Best of luck finding work and all. And it is possible to have a real discussion with some humor in it. I have never met either of you, so how am I supposed to 100% label you as, "douchebags?" Perhaps some of it is in jest? Nah ... that can't be. (said with sarcasm in case you didn't notice).

1:51 PM  
Blogger Donkey Patrol said...

Hey jerks,

Ok listen I'm going to sit both of you down and give you a steady talking to. First of all, you guys need to get over yourselves. In your pretentious cloud of insular thinking and redundant America-bashing (only in a country like America can you actively spit in the proverbial gift horse that allows you to espouse such political heresy. You can thank America when you go to sleep tonight that it lets you whore its ideals out to two ignorant, self-aggrandizing sycophants to liberalism in the Bronx who will never understand the gift that they are given. And yes I am spitting as I talk) you have lost the ability to be human. Being human involves taking yourself a little less seriously.

Oh boo hoo hoo someone called me a douchebag. Treigh you are a douchebag. Only a douchebag like yourself would criticize a man's way of thinking and living and believing and then get all offended when said man tells him to chill out. Go back and read your post where you talk about a Chorus line for a look in the mirror about what it looks like to insult another American citizen. Bathe in your hypocrisy and lick your self inflicted wounds because Lord knows that if I know Lillet as well as I think I do, she thinks you're a douchebag also. Have a sense of humor and stand up for yourself instead of running away from people.

Truth be told, I was disappointed not to meet you guys. I like to think of myself as one who can reach across the isle if you will (present comment excluded). I was really looking forward to having some snails, some laughs, and some open conversation where we both didn't take ourselves too seriously. Part and parcel to successful living is not taking yourself too seriously. There's humor in everything. There's humor in politics. THere's humor in having opposing viewpoints and pointing them out to other parties. There's humor in being shown up in a battle of wits by a 23 year old real world neophyte who can only talk trash because he's looked in a mirror and learned...well, not to take himself to seriously. Sorry your pride was hurt Tray, but if that's all it takes to get your feelings hurt I marvel at how you survive in NYC. Whining, hurt through and through.

Bam bridge burned. If you guys have anything else to say to me I want you to just let me have it. Go for it, slug it out with me IF I'm wrong. Chances are I'm not. Chances are you agree with me and won't admit it. Lillet you're a smart gal. Tray you're a baby. Now it's your turn...what am I?

7:22 PM  
Blogger Lillet Langtry said...

Well, you're not worth responding to. But.

First of all, thank you for proving all my points by being exactly you. The most serious thing is -- In every comment you post, you prove that you can't read. CANNOT READ.

It is impossible to argue or have a conversation with someone who doesn't understand (I don't mean "Agree") but doesn't understand the point you are making. It's a waste of time.

For example -- We live in Brooklyn, not the Bronx. That may seem nitpicky to you, but it's as big a difference as me declaring that you and Keith are two gay lovers cohabiting in Milwaukee. Repeatedly every comment that you have made here shows that you didn't read what you were responding to. Having a "conservative" viewpoint is one thing -- assuming things like -- oh, I don't know -- that a post clearly written by a guy talking about his adolescent sexuality in the 70s as a guy was written by HIS WIFE is just fucking sloppy. The like examples are legion.

I would feel bad, but the thing is I have the distinct feeling that had I said -- "man, there is some heavy shit going on at home and we have no time for snails this week" we'd get the same response.

And to say that we "hate America" is ridiculous. We love this country. Or what it was, was meant to be, and should be. It 's like watching your best friend succumb to a drug addiction or fall for an abusive guy. If you really love her, you have to tell her what a colossal mistake she's making, because you love her enough to do so.

9:11 PM  
Blogger uscu2 said...

Way to focus on one minor mistake. We spent the entire six comments mentioning that you're from Brooklyn, then he mistypes once in a moment of anger and fast typing and you hold him to it. There should be a little bit of grace there. It's not like he actually thinks you're from there. He knows where your from and he tried to get together with you while he was in the said area.

Way to focus on the small details and not the big picture. I'm going to step a bit outside myself here. You're fucking wrong right now. Look outside the small fact and realize the big picture. Or as people say, don't look at the tree look at the forest. Andrew just slapped you around, and all you can retort is, "You don't understand us because of a typo. You said we're from the Bronx even though the entire previous 6 comments assert that you know we're from Brooklyn."

I used to enjoy you for your points of view. But now you can't admit that Andrew might have you cornered.

Your response will inevitably be some piece of shit whiny effort like, "Thanks for proving me right you missed the point of my entire post." You missed the point of life Lillet and Trey. Minus infinite points for you. Life is about friendships, relationships, and the conversation and fun that springs from those. It's how we sharpen one another and learn more about others we share this country with.

"It 's like watching your best friend succumb to a drug addiction or fall for an abusive guy. If you really love her, you have to tell her what a colossal mistake she's making, because you love her enough to do so." If you think we're part of that drug addiction. Way to not take time out of your busy pants dropping schedule to meet for like 45 minutes with one of us.

You know what, don't take the time to respond to my anger filled, irrational, disdain filled tirade. You guys are a joke. Have fun living the rest of your life in a closed box.

Bridge burned ...

9:27 PM  

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