With Friends Like These ...
So I'm in the Korean deli in our neighborhood at midnight tonight and I hear someone screaming at the owner. Why don't you carry any organic fruits maybe some of us care about our health how can you sell us this genetically modified poison? And I see some crazy white woman with wild eyes wielding an orange. It seems her problem is that the orange is seedless. I point out gently that seedless oranges have been with us for generations, as a result of mutation and not of genetic engineering.
But maybe I ought to have said what I was thinking, and that was: You stupid fucking moron. You're in fucking BROOKLYN. It's MIDNIGHT. You're buying an ORANGE. Don't you have any idea of what a fucking miracle that is? In most parts of the world food is hard to come by at all, never mind at midnight. In most parts of this country food not manufactured by Frito-Lay is hard to come by at midnight. And you are fucking complaining about your ORANGE in BROOKLYN at MIDNIGHT being seedless?? You narcissistic, pseudo-educated git. And how dare you fucking scream at a man who emigrated to this country and struggled to learn a new language and works 8 bazillion hours a week so you can buy your fucking ORANGE at MIDNIGHT in BROOKLYN.
Lillet would have said that. I ought to have.
But maybe I ought to have said what I was thinking, and that was: You stupid fucking moron. You're in fucking BROOKLYN. It's MIDNIGHT. You're buying an ORANGE. Don't you have any idea of what a fucking miracle that is? In most parts of the world food is hard to come by at all, never mind at midnight. In most parts of this country food not manufactured by Frito-Lay is hard to come by at midnight. And you are fucking complaining about your ORANGE in BROOKLYN at MIDNIGHT being seedless?? You narcissistic, pseudo-educated git. And how dare you fucking scream at a man who emigrated to this country and struggled to learn a new language and works 8 bazillion hours a week so you can buy your fucking ORANGE at MIDNIGHT in BROOKLYN.
Lillet would have said that. I ought to have.
posted by Trey Desolay at 12:30 AM
3 Comments:
What a botherous jerk! Honey, I'm sorry that happened while I was passed out from all the wines.
I, too, have concerns about the deleterious effects genetically modified food. But most people who have concerns about genetically modified food are also the people who KNOW WHERE IT IS READILY AVAILABLE.
The other crazy thing is that this particular Korean deli has a remarkably comprehensive health food/vegetarian selection (which is not uncommon for big Korean delis, as opposed to your typical bodega.) There's a whole shelf of homeopathic remedies and herbal extracts, a big fat wall of Kiss My Face personal care products, clearly labeled ORGANIC milk and cage-free eggs in the dairy section, and next to the Tino's Pizza Rolls is a whole case of frozen garden burgers and tofu chicken nuggets and veggie sausage and the like. If that little douchebag were paying any attention to anything it would be obvious that the deli owners either care about healthy eating or are aware that there's a market for that stuff on Graham Avenue.
If we see her around, can I pelt her with mutant oranges? I am PMS-ing.
Yes. You ought to have said that. But with smaller, more easily understood words. So she'd understand that you were yelling at HER and not the grocer.
I heart NY!
Mr. H.K.
Postcards from Hell's Kitchen
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